Emily's Test
by kwfinley
Summary: Honor and Emily plan a surprise for Hamish. It forces Emily to confront her worst fears. Will Hamish survive the shock?


Emily's Test

Homecoming

Hamish Alexander hadn't been home for more than two years. He'd endured the long journey through Havenite space, and then the campaign. It had been interesting working with the Andermani, and that led to the journey to the Empire to confer with the Emperor as the Queen's Envoy. It had been a strange meeting, but once again he'd come to realize how very special his second wife was. Chien-Lu Anderman Herzog von Rabenstrange, cousin to the Emperor, had met him in New Britain and been his guide about the capitol city. The Admiral took great pleasure giving his account of his meetings with Honor. The huge respect paid to her by the Emperor's cousin had benefited him immeasurably. Still, prolong or no, he'd been away from home a long time. He'd missed his family. He'd contacted the Admiralty as soon as they'd entered Manticoran space and announced that he was going straight to White Haven. He'd expected an argument and was surprised when he didn't get one.

Honor's steward, Mac, met him at the door. "Honor is out on the tennis court."

"Where is Emily?"

"I believe she is involved in the match, Sir."

Samantha stood up on Hamish's shoulder and gave Mac a strangely speculative look. He winked and shook his head very faintly left to right. Samantha smiled and settled back down. Hamish missed the byplay thinking about how Emily had always loved the game.

"I knew she was delighted that Honor took an interest."

"Indeed, Dame Honor needed a new diversion after she had to relinquish her martial arts title."

"Yes, and fencing no longer holds her interest. I'd received a message that Honor had taken up tennis and that Emily was delighted she had."

"I must say that Dame Honor has benefitted greatly from Emily's tutelage." Mac's eyes had a strange expression with that last.

"You'll find them both on the court with the children."

"Don't announce me. I'll just go and surprise them."

"As you wish, Lord Alexander. Her Ladyships both enjoy surprises." He turned toward Samantha with a faint twinkle in his eyes. "You will know where to find Nimitz, Lady Samantha."

Hamish walked out to the court. Actually, it wasn't a place he visited often. There hadn't seemed to be much point after Emily's injuries guaranteed that she'd never play again. He'd kept the facility up as a symbol of hope never lost. Maybe, in an indirect way, that hope was justified.

Sam leapt off his shoulder to join her mate who was lazily draped across a perch placed ringside about where the referee would be posted. He seemed to have appointed himself to that role. He looked to have his hands full watching the two women playing a viciously aggressive game. Nimitz abandoned his watchfulness to greet his mate, fingers flying furiously as he brought her up to speed on events. Hamish watched for a moment then turned his attention back to the game. He immediately recognized Honor, and her totally concentrated style. He never tired of watching her heavy-worlder grace and speed. The other woman wasn't as tall as Honor, but she was clearly a superb athlete with her own blazing speed and aggressive competitiveness. Her style looked strangely familiar to Hamish but he couldn't place her. Of course, he hadn't really kept up with the field after Emily was injured and forced to retire.

The dynamics and contrasts between the two players was fascinating to watch. It was very difficult to tear his attention from the game to look for Emily's life support chair. He had expected it to be close to courtside. A shout of victory from the court interrupted his search and he looked back to the court where the two women were exchanging hugs. Honor was congratulating the winner - that was something he didn't see often - Honor coming out second best. Come to think of it, he'd never seen her look so happy about losing - it wasn't her nature. Both appeared to notice him at the same time. He returned their cheery waves, puzzled at his inability to recognize Honor's partner. Again, the style of her play was hauntingly familiar, and her walk as they approached him also struck a chord. Sam and Nimitz followed behind, herding the children and Hamish received very strange signals from Sam. Amusement and Anticipation were the dominant emotions. Honor's companion had the beauty and grace of a holovid star. Hamish snorted, he should know he was married to the greatest of all ...

Honor held back as Emily walked up to Hamish - walked, not glided up in a life support chair. She put her arms, both arms, around a man unable to move - frozen in near heart-stopping shock. It felt so good to put her arms around her man. Her tears soaked the front of his uniform. She welcomed the moisture she felt on the top of her head. Strong arms gently crushed her to him, and then, oh so gently, pushed her back so that she could look up to his face.

"How?"

"Thank Honor and the tree cats, Ham. Honor's mother and father also had a lot to do with it. We also got a huge amount of help from Kat, excuse me, Katherine Mayhew, The Protector's senior wife. She's rather an authority on transplant and tissue cloning technology. It seems that our friends on Grayson have had rather more experience with the technology than we since we came up with regen and didn't need it."

"But the nerve damage was irreparable."

"Still is, darling, but what we discovered is that it could be bypassed. I have multiple shunts, now, and an artificial nervous system paralleling the damaged original. A lot like Honor's facial nerves, but far more extensive and double ended. Drs. Harrington determined that some of my original nerve tissue was undamaged, and while much of my body was damaged, and I don't regenerate, some of me could be regrown. The regrown parts have perfectly healthy nerves." Emily stepped backward to pirouette.

"As you can see, it doesn't work half bad. I've been in very intensive therapy for quite some time." She moved back into his embrace. "But this, just this much makes it all worth it." Hamish crushed her to him, as his body sought to meld itself in a near-forgotten embrace.

Honor stepped forward to greet Hamish at last. He greeted her just as fiercely and passionately as ever. His link to Sam relayed that Emily was not only not jealous, but eagerly awaiting her turn. That was when the full implications of the miracle struck him. Their link blazed with his realization, and Honor felt the echo as her link through Nimitz transferred his reaction from Sam. It resonated with the response from her direct link. She giggled. Hamish felt it ripple through the beautiful body against him. That started its own reaction and the sudden confusion - anticipation - guilt - delight evoked an outright laugh. She reached out and pulled Emily into their embrace.

"Poor man doesn't know which way to turn." She looked up with a teasing grin. "It's okay. I have dinner tonight with a group from the advanced tactical college. I've got to run to the Bay House to get ready. Mom and Dad are picking up the kids to sleep over with my siblings since they are in town. The ATC will be running simulations that will probably go all night. It will give you and Emily a chance to catch up - you have a lot to ... talk ... about. You need some alone time," she gave a wry glance at the armsmen gathered about, "well, at least as alone as you can be in this house."

Honor looked at Emily. "He's been travelling. He needs a bath. After that match, we aren't exactly fresh either. I think we have time before mom and dad get here to pick up the kids. You wash one side and I'll wash the other. Who knows what we'll find."

Dinner

Hamish found himself staring at Emily as she took a sip from her wineglass and set it down. Emily studied the wine glass.

"This wine is fabulous. I've never seen so deep a color. It is almost black. The flavor is almost as rich as the color."

"It's a vintage unique to Postdam. They had to mutate the grapes to get them to grow there. The color and bouquet are a side effect of the mutation.

"Well, it's delicious."

"Chien-Lu made certain I brought a few cases home with me. He said that when Honor first tasted it aboard his SuperDreadnought Derfflinger, she thought it quite excellent. He suspected the last case was gone by now."

Emily let go an unladylike snort. "You want to bet that most of that case is in her father's wine cellar?"

"Except for a few bottles that Mac has stashed somewhere." They sat in companionable silence, Hamish watching Emily toy with the wineglass, studying the legs of the wine.

"I can't get over you sitting in a chair, playing with a wine glass. It's a miracle."

"I lived through it, and know the basics of the technology, and all the failures, and from my side, it is more of a miracle than you can imagine."

"I still don't understand what happened and how."

"It all starts with an attitude. Do you remember when no one would give the neo-barbarians the inertial compensator so they decided to design their own?"

Hamish started to take a breath and Emily waved him down.

"It was a rhetorical question, dear. The compensator wasn't the only technology withheld. So were prolong and regeneration. Well, since they knew it could be done, some Grayson scientists started trying to figure out how. Like the compensator, they went down a path everyone knew was a dead end and came up with some startling results. They came up with something they called Fractal Biology."

Hamish looked puzzled. "I thought fractals were a mathematical concept."

"Yes, but pre-Diaspora, on Earth, scientists experimented with a picture technology called laser holograms. What was amazing was that any fragment of a picture generated that way, was capable of recreating the whole picture. It might be fuzzy, maybe not as good a resolution, but enough data could be recovered to create a recognizable whole. Honor had such a picture in one of the children's storybooks she collects.

"Now, according to our Biology, once a cell differentiates, it loses the flexibility to do any more than replicate itself. What the Yeltsin Biologists managed to do was find the fractal code locked into every differentiated cell."

"You don't mean they can grow a body from a single cell"

"No, dear. Remember what I said about fuzzy reproductions? It seems the practical limit is the reconstruction of an organ or an appendage. For example, you could regrow a kidney or an arm. It's also a function of complexity. You couldn't regrow a brain or"wryly "an entire nervous system."

"That's still pretty impressive."

"I have to agree. They developed a virus that could invade the living cell and extract its specialized template to recreate all the companion cells. The virus would replicate and in a rich cellular bath, infect dividing cells with the template. The desired limb or organ would be grown, and it would match the age of the living donor."

"And then you attach it?"

"More like you integrate it. It has to learn to be a part of you."

"So you just take healthy cells ..."

"It isn't quite that simple, Hamish. First, you have to find healthy cells - cells that aren't damaged or mutated and carry the true template. You don't always get them the first try, or the first thousand."

The look in Emily's eyes told Hamish all he needed to know about the hurt and disappointment of thousands of failures. His expression told Emily that he understood, and that understanding was one of the many reasons she loved him. She nodded. "I can't tell you how many times I wanted to give up. I was so sick of being poked and prodded. So tired of watching and waiting for a positive response. I was used to my chair. I had learned to adapt. Now I was throwing that away on a wild dream.'

Hamish stroked her lovely hair. "I can't imagine you ever being willing to give up."

"I was, Hamish. God forgive me, as much as I wanted what we are doing right now, I was so ready to give up." She gave a wry chuckle. "But, I hadn't counted on Honor."

It was Hamish's turn to chuckle. "I think I get the picture."

"You would. And so, there was the morning I awoke feeling rather strange. I could feel that I was lying on a bed. I could feel my lungs filling and emptying on their own. I could feel the pressure of the sheet across my body. I could feel the bed's surface pressing up against a body that I didn't know. I started to scream and couldn't. I tried to move, and couldn't. I was terrified. Honor was there and she held my hand. She explained that I was OK, but her father had left a lot of the voluntary muscle nerveways locked down until I could get accustomed to the feelings. They had conditioned my autonomic system while they kept me in a coma."

Hamish shivered. "You woke up and couldn't move."

"Yes, the thoughts that ran through my mind." Her voice was matter of fact. Only Hamish's awareness of her vocal control caught the hints under the calm tone. "I was totally paralyzed – I'd lost what little ability I had – the failure was permanent – they'd given up. The worst case options cascaded over my consciousness and drowned my sanity." She took a deep breath. "They had explained the procedure to me before I went under. Intellectually I knew what was going to happen. I still wasn't ready. Honor and Alison were both there to help me. I needed it. Somehow, her father activated one section at a time to let me get used to it. He kept pretty much out of sight. They reasoned that it would be best for women to help me figure out how to handle some of me, rather than a man."

"So you had to learn everything all over, just like a baby."

"Not quite. Part of the template apparently includes muscle memory. But, I needed some time to learn how to use the nerve shunts from one good section to another. It's pretty automatic, but it isn't exactly natural. The timings aren't quite instantaneous, and I have to adapt a little."

"A little like what Honor has had to adapt to with her eye and arm."

"Exactly, but on a much larger scale."

"From what I saw on the tennis court, you must be getting the hang of it."

"There are some things I'm still trying to get the hang of. My doctors thought that going back to tennis might help. I already had a lot of muscle memory built in around the sport and it is great exercise. With my experience, I've been able to keep up with Honor's developing skills."

"I saw that you won the match I was watching."

"I think she let me win to encourage me."

"Nonsense, Emily. Now, you're the one who needs to think. First, it isn't Honor's nature to 'let' anyone win. Second, she knows you need to know you are improving. You won that match fair and square on your own."

Emily's grateful look tugged on his heartstrings. "For once, my dear, you're probably right. So I have improved, at least in Tennis. In other areas, I've still got a long way to go."

"If there is anything I can do to help?"

Emily gave him a sly grin. "Well, now that you mention it, there are some things Honor and Alison aren't equipped to help me with."

Desert

As Hamish and Emily lie tangled together, both slightly exhausted from what was another delightful romp, Hamish couldn't help feeling a little concerned. Emily looked at him with a disturbing level of understanding. "You're worried about what this will do to your relationship with Honor."

"Woman, you'd think you were the one adopted by a Treecat."

"Hamish, I don't need a treecat to know my husband. I know you and Honor have some sort of bond I can't reach, but I don't need it to know you. She has changed our lives, both of us. She is my dear younger sister. Katherine Mayhew and Samantha both have helped me understand how that all works. Not sure how much help I needed, but I've listened to them. Besides that, Honor touches the lives of everyone she meets."

Hamish stroked the incredible body next to him. "Could you have ever dreamed this?"

"No, darling. But somehow she saw and realized the potential in the differing technologies of her two home worlds. And, in her direct and inimitable way moved forward by assuming it could be done, whether anyone else believed or not. She pulled the team together and didn't drive them so much as inspire them."

"But, the cost ..."

"Your junior wife is moderately wealthy, you know. Do you remember the young engineer who came up with the SkyDomes? Young Adam Gerrick?"

"How could I forget? That was when William Fitzclarence Burdette Steadholder, Samuel Mueller , and that fanatical clergyman Edmond Marchant tried to murder Honor."

"Well, in memory of that young man, Honor diverted 15% of her Steadholder's share of SkyDomes to a fund for advanced research. Anyone with a creditable idea and no funds to pursue it could apply for venture capital funding. Sky Domes has been so successful, Gerrick Venture Capital is quite well funded. Kat sat as sponsor for this one, thus overcoming one of two problems regarding the research."

"Can I guess the second problem?"

"Some of the more conservative members of the Church protested that such cellular tampering was attempting to rewrite God's Plan."

"So we have yet another Mayhew reform. How did they manage that?"

"How else? Reverend Sullivan stepped in. He ruled that it was God's test to every man to determine the message the Tester had for them. If these men were gifted to read God's template in a cell, then it was their duty to do so."

"I can see him saying that."

Emily lost her smile. "He didn't stop there. He said that whatever truth was found there, it was the Test of all Mankind to respond to it."

"And of course, Honor would feel it was part of her test to see if she could help you. Regardless of the cost."

"She would have spent it all if she had to. However, we now have a very well-funded biomedical company with offices in the Harrington Steading, and here in Landing that may become very profitable. Interestingly, Honor has funded an off-planet biosphere at Yeltsin where people can begin their therapy in 0-gee. It is doing very well."

"Surely there aren't that many ..."

"There are more than we thought. Also, we've had some from other regions, and there have been a few 'enhanced' people who are wishing they had the original hardware back."

"Unless she changes her habits, we may have one regular."

"And, so typical of her, she's never even considered that it would work for her as well."

"You're right. She's the same way in battle. She never thinks of herself or her cost, but she knows it going in. So many people reach beyond themselves around her, because they know she expects and will do nothing less."

Breakfast

Hamish had always been an earlier riser than Emily. He used the time to deal with whatever administrative details piled up during his long absences, plus he had a long report to finish for the Admiralty. He'd had the staff bring his breakfast to the outer dining patio where he could set up to work and enjoy breakfast in the crisp air. He was deep into the report when he heard a soft footfall. Emily stood at the edge of the patio. She wore a skirt of red, orange, and yellow strips, and a red vest over a yellow blouse. With her long hair unbound and flowing free she looked like a living flame as she moved across to his table.

He rose to greet her, and folded her into a warm embrace he still couldn't quite believe. He stepped back to look at her. "I see you've taken to Honor's Grayson dress styles."

"She had it made for me. I'd always envied her look in it, and when Adrienne took it up, I just had to try it." She smiled coquettishly at her husband. "There is something incredibly sensual about the effect, isn't there?"

"You are a blinding flash and a deafening report, dear. You will be a sensation at the ball."

Emily stiffened. "What ball?"

"I saw where the Queen wanted to throw a ball to celebrate your recovery."

Emily turned her back to stare at the far horizon. "I've asked her to reconsider."

"Good heavens, why?" Hamish moved to seat her at his table and she took some fruit on a small plate. He poured coffee for her.

"Hamish, how many years have I been confined to that chair? I've practically become a hermit." She raised her hand to forestall his protests. "Yes, I know that we went out, that many events were very tiring. I know all that, all the rationalizations. But through all that, I was _me_. I can't help how much of 'me' is left in this admittedly beautiful package. Is this what I would have been if not for the accident, or has all the tampering created something different? Now, I'm Frankenstein's Bride - an assemblage of parts. I really don't want to attend a freak show with myself as the main exhibit."

"As I remember the ancient fable, Frankenstein's Bride had a lot of seams. I don't think she looked quite like you." He paused. "I admit I was surprised at the lack of scars. I looked."

Emily smiled a shadow of her usual bright smile. "I know you did, darling, but the scars are on the inside. All the parts were pulled just before they reached maturation and all fitted together on my skeleton. By the way, about 40% of my skeleton is a specially reinforced alloy. We all went into the nutrient bath together for the final growth stage. I'm told I came out wrinkled like a prune. I have no memory of that, actually."

"So, that was the integration process you were talking about."

"Yes, Hamish. The result is what you see, a reconstructed person. I'm a freak."

"I don't believe anyone will think that." Hamish took her hand. " You are one of the most loved people in the Kingdom. You're more popular than the Queen."

"Yes, as a tragic invalid."

"Who is a successful writer, producer, talent scout, political commentator ..."

"Who was no threat to anyone because she was locked in a life support chair. I'm not in the chair anymore. Once more, I can meet people on their level." She paused, smoothing her skirt. Hamish wasn't used to his wife looking doubtful. He waited.

"But that's not all. There's a pre-Diaspora literature called Science Fiction. It's not so popular today because what they dreamed, we are living. I ran across some collections of short stories called 'anthologies' when I was looking for something to read. One story has become very important to me. It's about a disadvantaged man named Charley. He's a simple man, living a simple life. He's learned to live with his limitations and how people see him as retarded. The story is called 'Flowers for Algernon'. Scientists develop a technique with the potential to boost intelligence and they ask Charley if he'd like to be smart. It worked for a little mouse named Algernon. Charley agrees to the experiment and it is a magnificent success, for a time. In his brilliance he begins to teach the teachers. He discovers that Algernon is changing. Algernon dies. He isn't so lucky. He regresses and loses all he gains and goes back to being the simpleton."

"That's a tragedy."

"Ham, I'm just like Charley. Don't you see? Nobody's ever been through as radical a transformation as I have. Right now, everything works beyond our wildest expectations. But, we don't know. I could revert tomorrow."

Hamish turned pale. "I could lose you all over again."

"Exactly. I don't know, nobody does. I was told the risks before we started."

"Then why?"

"Last night, right now, and every moment we can share. It's already been worth it. I'm not a member of the Church of Humanity Unchained, but I've spent a lot of time with their scientists. I've come to understand their notion of the Test. This is my Test."

Hamish smiled. "Whatever, happens, we will see it through together."

Emily withdrew her hand. "I doubt it."

"What ..."

"Hamish, I love you. You know that. And I know you love me. But, you have never been there to 'see it through'. You've always been off somewhere."

"But, I thought you understood ..."

"Understood what? That your position, your duty, took precedence over your wife. That being devoted to duty made it easier to deal with 'your' tragedy."

Hamish hung his head. How often had he had the same bleak thoughts? "You're right."

"I don't need you to tell me I'm right. I'm right without your approval. In fact, I'm used to it. We're married, but we've lived two separate lives, with only occasional convergences."

"I've tried ..."

"Oh yes, Hamish. You've tried. You've provided for every need, every convenience. You've spared nothing for my comfort and safety. And, until Honor, you've never embarrassed me. And like any good Navy wife, I've kept your home for you and made sure you had a place to eventually come back to."

Hamish recaptured her hand. "I don't deserve you."

"Probably not." She sniffed. " You don't deserve Honor, either. But, God help you, you have the both of us; I, your muse, and she, your Battle Raven.

"She's the Salamander and I wish she would stay away from the fire."

"Yes, that name has stuck for the masses, but for you it is different. She's your Morrigan, your queen of battle focused on destruction of your enemies."

"I remember those ancient legends. Honor isn't that dark-natured."

"Tell that to Denver Sommervale," Emily started ticking of a list on the fingers of one lovely restored hand, "one short-lived Earl of North Hollow, and one traitorous Steadholder."

In spite of himself Hamish shuddered. "You win."

"This isn't one I want to win, Hamish." She leaned forward. "In this case, winning is losing. Since the Alignment destroyed so much of her family, I've seen a hunger in her. She's ready to do battle, to win, regardless of the cost. I've never seen her like this."

"I have. I remember when she was preparing to fight those duels. She was so totally focused, so - directed is the best word I can come up with – she was a pulser dart aimed at their hearts."

"No matter the cost. What did it cost her last time, Hamish?"

"You know I met her in the Nike as she was leaving for her exile. She looked devastated. It was odd, really. Here was a young woman with everything. But it didn't matter without her commission. I wondered then if she'd realized how like Pavel Young she'd become."

"Hamish!"

"Hear me out, Emily. You should have seen Young on the field when he was stripped of his commission. He was going to step out of the Navy into one of the wealthiest, most powerful positions in the Empire. But it cost him. From accounts I've heard since, that event destroyed him. He was a walking dead man when Honor shot him. I don't believe she ever realized the favor she did him." Hamish picked up his knife from the table. "Do you realize how much worse it would have been for him to let him live? You're the political analyst. Think it through. Would any of his schemes actually worked? Nothing had to date."

"Oh my."

"Exactly. But, back to my point. To both of them, losing their position in the Navy cost them dearly. They both retreated and hid for a time. Honor's natural competence did for her, what Pavel's scheming could not achieve for him. That, and of course, a tremendous amount of love."

Emily nodded. "Yes, there's always that. And, coming back to my original concern, her current focus on the Alignment is taking her back to those very dark days. I fear for my younger sister, Hamish. I fear this terrible focus will destroy her."

"As I recall, your original concern was that in attending the Queen's party celebrating your recovery, you would be some sort of circus freak."

"And?"

"And, I think the two concerns are related. Deflecting Honor from this destructive path is going to take a lot of love, and I believe that you are going to be the primary instrument of that."

"How so?"

"Over the years, Honor has built up a resistance to input from the Queen, Benjamin, and even me. She has matured to the level of recognizing she is our equal in every way except rank. She has your typical yeoman's skepticism of high position. You, on the other hand, she still perceives as her mentor – someone who has much to teach her."

"Do you really think so?"

"I do, and the aplomb with which you handle Adrienne's party will drive that home to her."

"That's not fair, Hamish!"

"No test ever is, darling. But, I have to believe part of your test is to save the one who saved you."


End file.
